Anyone who knows me knows I love a good flat white. I don’t know what makes a good coffee good, but I know what I like and, more importantly, what I don’t like. I’m sure I’m not the only one with this attitude towards coffee, but there you go.
My morning walks to my local café (Alo Alo Patisserie on Albert Street) have brought about a number of (almost) interesting “moot points”. Not all of these should bring about fierce and rigorous debate, but are points that I hope a number of you can empathize or relate with. Keeping in mind that all good Moot Points, in accordance with vague memories of High School English class, should always start with “That”, I shall proceed forthwith:
1. That repeatedly and vigorously pressing the button for the “Red Man/Green Man” (which has already been activated and clearly shows a Red Man) at a pedestrian crossing will cause the Green Man to appear quicker than normal.
I realize that this is quite a lengthy moot point, but please notice the attention to detail. “Repeatedly” and “Vigorously” are not included simply to fill space, but to accentuate the method in which I have observed a number of pedestrians use the big metal button. I am not 100% sure of the engineering involved behind these buttons, but I’m pretty sure they’re not designed to spontaneously alter the pattern of the traffic lights to allow an impatient, obviously-very-important pedestrian to cross sooner than what would otherwise be the case. Even if this means missing out on the 10:30am cut-off for McDonald’s breakfast (which I’m certain the Red & Green Men aren’t aware of anyway), I see no logical explanation for employing this button-pressing method.
I am not yet able to provide either an affirmative or negative conclusion to this moot point, but I DO have 20-30 cardboard cup-holders sitting in the corner of my office. This is in anticipation of the time I deem a sufficient quantity has been reached and I can offer my local barista the “chance of a lifetime” and bargain a free coffee out of him. Watch this space…
3. That it is better to offer a coffee to everyone in your office than not.
This moot point, in particular, has the potential to open up a can of wiggly, slimy worms. I have to confess to a number of previously-pondered pros and cons for both sides of this argument. For the affirmative side we have the following:
- Everyone will think, or have their assumption confirmed, that you’re awesome
- Some level of leeway is given to account for the length of time spent away from your desk. N.B. The number of coffees being ordered will dictate, and is directly proportional to, amount of leeway given.
- You get first right to any cardboard coffee-cup holder used in return transportation of said coffees. Refer to moot point #2 for benefits of this.
- You have more than enough grounds to request a coffee from anyone else should they happen to go out in bad weather.
- The longer the list of coffees, the more stamps you can get on your loyalty card, thereby enabling you to get a free coffee faster.
For the negative side we have the following points of interest:
- You may be exposed to an awkwardly long list of different types of coffees. Flavours, sizes, sugars etc. This will necessitate a physical list which is annoying.
- Whilst in transit, carrying between 4 and 156 coffees, you may be seen by others as the “Office B*tch” and laughed at. You may not hear it but they’ll be laughing in their heads.
- Often enough, in my humble experience, people do not have correct change for their coffee. This means you either have to remember such details and distribute change accordingly or, even worse, perform the dreaded act of “spotting” people coffees. This can result in a confusing game of “who owes who” with contestants’ view of who’s “winning” invariably different.
- There is a grey area in the form of: who you should offer coffee to and who you shouldn’t. I advise caution when choosing who you get coffee for – opt for those most likely to return the favour and/or within a certain distance from your desk. I.e. “Sorry Mike, I didn’t realize you wanted a trim, de-caf, mocha-latte-chino. Maybe Derek can get you one when he goes out? I’m only returning the favour to Pete who kindly got me a coffee yesterday.”
I’m sure these are moot points that will rage on for centuries to come. In the meantime I’ll enjoy my morning flat whites (no sugar), laugh at pedestrians that insist on hammering the big metal button incessantly and continue expanding on my collection of cardboard holders.