Since my last post (some many, many months ago) a whole bunch of life-changing things have happened. The life of (The) Royce has evolved, been upgraded to 2.0.whatever, patches and updates have fixed a number of glitches (still more to come) and, as a result of all this (apart from slowing the old operating system down), I’ve entered a new and scary decade of existence AND acquired a metallic growth on one of my fingers. 30 years old and married. Holy crap… shit just got real.
Turning thirty was far easier than expected. To be fair, I didn’t really have to do anything. The process involved not much more than merely existing through a passage of time. The toughest part about achieving this milestone was actually enduring the torrid of terrible cliche comments and jokes from workmates and peripheral friends (I say “peripheral” because my good mates are better than that… OK… not really… they’re arguably worse). This involved numerous references to the thirties being “dirty”, the inevitability of my hair falling out, getting false teeth and/or hearing aids, a potential impending “retirement” or some form of mention of my becoming an “old man/fart/bugger/git” or being told I’m still a “young buck/boy/person/dickhead” (obviously dependent on the age of the informant/bad joke teller). I can tell you that most of these things have yet to happen, but I continue to be wary of sudden deafness and the need for a hip replacement.
Next up, and more recently, my gorgeous “better half” (insert Dad-joke laugh here… but, in all seriousness, she’s very much the better half) Amber and I got freakin’ married! This also came as no surprise to me (but required a lot more organisation) – as we’d been engaged for over six months – BUT… it was definitely the biggest, awesomest, most amazing day of my life. Better than the day that I first discovered thin-and-crispy crust, supreme Pizza Hut pizza. Better than the day I completed my first Woman’s Day word-find and put all the left-over letters together to form the mystery word! Better, even, than the day I… crap, this a PG-rated show… better than… my first ever… road trip (phewph). The whole day was phenomenal. Leading up to the day I got all the usual advice – “Don’t do it”, “it’s not too late”, “Hurry up before she realizes you hate Home & Away” etc. etc. But, to have that many of your favourite people in one place to celebrate such an awesome day, is absolutely priceless. And I want to do it all over again! But… not pay for it again.
The changes since these big events have been immense. Oh shit yeah. I’ve had to start ticking the “30-35” box on online surveys for starters. It’s been terrible. I’ve found a couple of white hairs on my head, hangovers are becoming almost unbearable and cups of tea are becoming a more frequent alternative to 10am Double Browns…alas. But, it’s not all bad! Nope. I no longer have to pretend to be happy, or avoid the topic altogether(and therefore the building pressure from friends and family), when other couples announce their engagement. Yussssss.